Bad, Bad Boyfriend: VH1’s Tool Academy to Reform Relationships?

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Posted by K.C. Morgan Categories: Prime Time, Reality, Cable, Gossip, Video

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The tools were brought to the show under a pretense, which always makes for good TV: they were told they were competing in a Mr. Awesome contest which awards the winner $100,000. They fell for it, which proves their tooldom immediately. The first few minutes of the program immediately deteriorated into candid shots of several highly attractive men posturing and posing, many of them stripped down to their skivvies. It was, in a word, tedious.

But VH1 did a good job casting. With only six minutes gone on the show, I said to myself (out loud) “these guys are humongous tools” by the time the fifth boyfriend was introduced.  The cast includes Matsuflex, who bragged that he can “pick up a dollar with my butt cheeks,” among other boasts; MEGA, whose real name, according to his girlfriend, is Joshua and says he always has “chicks lined up;” Josh, who likes to party; Joey; Celebrity, whose actual name is Clarence, a guy who’s such a hardcore tool he managed to cheat on his girlfriend in the first 10 minutes by virtue of a not-so-subtle kiss; Tommy, who is supported by his working mother girlfriend; Shawn, whom you can spot easily thanks to the crazy hairstyle; Robert and Dimitri.

In their first challenge, the Awesome contenders were told to strut on the red carpet to impress a group of screaming ladies. Inside, the girlfriends watched as their men worked the catwalk. The men were then told to go inside and prepare to party with the ladies. The only ladies who waited inside, of course, were the much-maligned girlfriends. Each one wore an evil stare when confronted with her tool.

“Gentlemen, you are not Mr. Awesome. You’re complete tools. Welcome to the Tool Academy!” This announcement dropped jaws when host Jordan Murphy delivered the lines. The men were told to reform, lest they get kicked out of the Academy and face their girlfriends as tools. For the one who stands alone at season end, the $100,000 prize is still up for grabs. The men were then taken to a large room with narrow bunks. You just gotta love boot camp. The girls, meanwhile, are staying at a beautiful villa. The first full day of competition, the tools were taken straight into group therapy with Trina Dolenz, couples therapist. For this first week, the lesson was communication.

For the challenge, each couple had to work together to build a queen-sized bed. The men had the instructions, while the women had to follow directions to craft the piece. And though Matsuflex (can you believe that nickname?) pulled off his pants and ran around in bikini briefs during his challenge, he and girlfriend Jenna emerged as winners. The reward? A date on their bed, beautifully made up with bedclothes and made romantic with champagne.

Therapist Dolenz then made her decision, eliminating the tool who put forth the least amount of effort. The remaining 8 men were awarded merit badges for their achievement. And so it was that Dimitri was told “you’re just a tool” and sent on his way. But considering his competition, Dimitri isn’t just a tool - he’s the biggest tool of all. His pretty girlfriend Jill stuck by his side, however, and the couple rode off in a car bearing the license “Tool 2009.”