Drinking problems are beginning to sweep McKinley High, and this became the focus of Glee’s “Blame It On Alcohol” episode. Principal Figgins (Iqbal Thera) asked club coach Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison) to have his kids perform a number “highlighting the dangers of teenage drinking” at an upcoming assembly.

As it just so happens, Rachel Berry’s two gay dads are on the Rosie O’Donnell cruise, leaving her alone in the house for the interim. Puck (Mark Salling) approached her about having a party, but she initially rejected the idea. It wasn’t until she shared her truly terrible original song, “My Headband,” with Finn (Cory Monteith) that she was willing to consider the idea.

At Finn’s advice, Rachel (Lea Michele) decided to go ahead and throw the party anyway. Horrible idea. But, at least it led into the best cell phone scene ever, which you can watch in the video above (“Noah, it’s Santitany and Artcedes, can your friend score some wine coolers?”).

Rachel almost ruined the party before it started. She tried giving everyone drink tickets for their two wine coolers apiece. Puck convinced her to open up the liquor cabinet, and that’s when things got crazy. Soon, the entire Glee club was doing shots, dancing and partying like rock stars -- or, like two gay men who use their basement to throw Oscar parties.

Aside from Finn’s funny breakdown of drunken archetypes (Santana is a “weepy, hysterical drunk,” Lauren Zizes and Quinn Fabray “the angry girl drunks,” Brittany “the girl who turns into a stripper,” Mercedes and Tina “happy girl drunks,” and Rachel “the needy girl drunk”), nothing much happened until Rachel suggested they all play a game of Spin the Bottle.

And that’s how Rachel Berry and Blaine (Darren Criss) kissed. “I think I just found a new duet partner!” She screamed, and the two fantastically performed “Don’t You Want Me” to delight the crowd. The kiss, and feelings it provoked, forced Blaine to question his sexuality, which once he was so sure of. It was all too much for Kurt (Chris Colfer) to handle, since he’s been crushing on Blaine since Day 1.

Meanwhile, New Directions learned that alcohol makes hangovers better. Led by Artie (Kevin McHale), they performed a fabulous rendition of “Blame It.” Mr. Schue praised the kids for their “acting” abilities in making themselves look so tipsy while they performed. They argued with Schue that drinking really isn’t that dangerous. . .and, he sort of agreed.

After all, he had a great time hanging out with Coach Bieste (Dot-Marie Jones), and the two tore up their duet of “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer,” which marked Bieste’s singing debut on the show. But then, he drunk-dialed Emma (Jayma Mays) after grading papers and giving everyone an A+ (because “that’s how I roll”).

It was, of course, all a colossal mistake. Will didn’t actually dial Emma, but Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch). She humiliated Schue by playing his entire drunken, rambling message over the school’s public address system. It was almost too painful to watch.

But even the New Directions kids had to start singing a different tune after they performed Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” (or, as Figgins says it “Tik, and also Tok, by Key-dollar sign-ha”) for the school. Led by Brittany (Heather Morris), everything about the number looked and sounded fantastic. . .until she hurled blue goo all over Rachel Berry on stage. Santana (Naya Rivera) quickly let go as well, and everyone prepared to get suspended for drinking prior to the performance.

Figgins congratulated them instead. After their “special effects” on stage, school drinking decreased. To avoid a repeat of the incident, Will had them all sign pledges saying they won’t drink again. . .at least, not until after Nationals.

Very little progressed for the show, story-wise. We know that Rachel is still working on an original song (refer to Albumista for the full spoiler alert on that), we know that Kurt is still in love with Blaine. . .and we know that Emma knows Will wants to sleep with her. It’s all old news, but one issue did get resolved: Blaine’s certain he’s gay. We’re still inching closer to Regionals, but we hope we don’t have to wait that long for a new story development.

When the show returns, we can only hope that more plot will come out. The next new episode of Glee marks the much-anticipated return of Gwyneth Paltrow to the series, and we’re already Gleeking out.