Throw Big Brother 9, The Newlywed Game and those gag-inducing eHarmony commercials into a blender and what do you get? You get ABC’s new “romantic comedy” reality show, Here Come the Newlyweds. ABC already airs Wife Swap, Supernanny and The Bachelor—did we really need yet another show to convince skittish singles to flee into the woods?

The premise of Here Come the Newlyweds is fairly straightforward. Seven recently married couples live together and compete for a nest egg worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The season will air over six episodes. As ABC’s website claims, “Each couple faces a variety of mental and physical challenges which will test the love and passion they have for one another as well as their competitive spirit.”  At the end of each episode, one couple is voted out by the others. The last marriage standing wins the grand prize.

The show is hosted by comedian Pat Bullard who in an awkward twist is seen commenting on the challenges each couple face in his own one-on-one interview with show producers. The episodes are also peppered with little vignettes where each couple stands against a white backdrop and tells what they love the most about the other or what their first kiss was like. Yes, it really is just like an eHarmony commercial minus Dr. Neil Clark Warren and his “29 dimensions of compatibility”!

The most interesting part of the show I guess is the mix of couples:

• The Arranged Marriage: Fawziah & Atif Bajwa of Cincinnati, Ohio were introduced by their parents. They only had one date before their wedding but seem refreshingly compatible. Atif assured the other couples he didn’t trade goats to get Fawziah; the other couples don’t seem convinced.
• Rush to The Alter Couple: Dawn & Cody Freis are from Denver, Colorado. Though he looks like he is about 17-years-old, he is an airplane pilot (a captain actually). She was studying to be a heart surgeon when they met. They fell head-over-heels in love and got married 5 months later. She quit her life’s passion so that she could become a flight attendant to be with him more. (That may just come up in couples therapy somewhere down the road.) Cody and Dawn also look like they could be brother and sister. Creepy undertones there as well.
• Love at First Sight Couple: Heather & Lance Holmes are from Middletown, Ohio. The night he saw her for the first time he told Heather’s girlfriend he was going to marry her. He also lovingly says she “farts like a dude…burps like a dude…smells like a dude” but that he treats her like a princess. Okie dokie.
• The Interfaith, Interracial, Intercontinental Couple: Kaia & Thomas Jacobi worked at the same company but he is from Germany, she is from Washington, D.C. Kaia’s family is religious, her dad is a minister. Thomas didn’t believe in God until he met her. Kaia’s dad said the only way they could marry was if Thomas was baptized by the blood of the lamb. He agreed, though it seems like he may still question God’s existence. That’s for another show though.
• The High School Sweethearts: Dana & Steve Krashin are from New York. They were high school sweethearts and dated 11 years before they got married. After all, what’s the rush. Dana and Steve say they decided to make their relationship legal for the health insurance. Nothing like mixing love with bureaucracy.
• The Crowded House Couple: Crystal & Johnnie Moutra are from Missouri City, Texas. They live with his parents and 10 other relatives in one house. Lord, I hope they win the money because that living arrangement has disaster and in-law abuse written all over it.
• The Been Divorced A Lot Couple: Toni & Barry Woodward are from Deer Park, Texas. All tolled this is their seventh marriage; he’s been married three times, she’s been married three times. I hope both of their attorneys do some type of punch card where you can get your 4th divorce for free.

The first episode had the couples competing to add money to the overall pot. The men were lined up and blindfolded (one of many subtle allusions to torture in the show). Each woman went through and kissed them on the cheek. Then they had to guess which kiss was from their wife. Each right answer netted $10,000. All but the divorce-happy Woodwards got it right. All tolled, the couples added $60,000 to the overall pot.

Next, the show ramped up the smarm factor a whole notch when a sex therapist came to the house to run some “intimacy exercises” with the couples. Since this is Disney-owned ABC we’re talking about, it was all more cheesy than illicit, which frankly is fine by me. The therapist had the couples say at the same time how many times a week they should be making whoopee (okay, she said “having sex” but I thought I’d pay homage to the show’s Newlywed Game roots). Then, the couples had to put their hands over each other’s hearts and look at each other with “soft, loving eyes” and finish the sentence that begins with the words “I want.” “I want to grow old with you…. I want our love to stay strong and exciting.” (I want to pretend this segment never happened and get my three minutes back.)

The final competition of this episode was for one couple to win immunity. Again, the men were blindfolded though this time they had to drive through an obstacle course with only their wives giving them directions. The team that could make it through the course in the shortest amount of time got immunity. In this case, the Jacobis did the best. Thomas’ native language is German so he is probably used to not understanding other people’s directions.  It gave him an edge.

The Jacobis were then given the choice of keeping immunity for the week or getting $10,000 free and clear. They took the money. It would come back to haunt them though. The other couples voted them out.

This show suffers from what most one-hour reality shows suffer from: too much filler, too many commercials and not enough suspense or plot twists. Still the couples themselves are personable enough and host Pat Bullard is not bad either. Plus, what is funnier than the let-down that inevitably follows the realization that you are legally bound to someone for the rest of your life?

Here Come the Newlyweds airs Sunday nights at 10 p.m. ET/PT on ABC. Next week’s episode involves some type of makeover segment and a synergistic Dancing With The Stars tie-in.