MONDAY (1/21)

• Prison Break (FOX, 8pm):  “T-Bag enlists Bellick to display his gladiatorial skills once again as the battle between Lechero and Sammy for control of Sona comes to a head.” If they can’t beat American Gladiators, FOX will encourage its characters fight like ‘em.
• Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann (ABC, 8pm):  “Viewers cast their first vote for their favorite teams after they perform live song-and-dance routines.” They’ve finally reached the phase I actually care about.
• Wildfire (ABC Family, 9pm):  Season 4 premiere.  I have absolutely no idea what this show is about, but it sounds like a trashy romance novel.  Oh wait - this is a family channel.  Never mind.
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (FOX, 9pm):  “John and Cameron try to fit in a new school.” Is an education really the most important thing for John at this point?  Shouldn’t he be honing his street smarts or something?

TUESDAY (1/22)

• Law and Order: SVU (NBC, 10pm):  “A robbery at a sperm bank has Benson and Stabler racing to recover fertilized embryos before it is too late.” If I were them, I’d have my bosses clearly define the phrase ‘special victims’ in my job description.
• Nip/Tuck (FX, 10pm):  “Christian questions Gina’s motives for moving to LA.” Oh heck, why not?  Everyone else found a random reason to follow them there.
• The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10pm):  Season 3 ends with Lauri’s wedding.  I’m really scared George’s true colors will come out post-nuptials.  There’s got to be something wrong with that man.  Maybe he’ll pull an Eddie Murphy.
• The Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo, 11pm):  Series premiere.  Lonely men with lots of money are my kind of people.

WEDNESDAY (1/23)

• Wife Swap (ABC, 8pm):  “A magician’s wife with a disdain for household chores trades places with a rigid taskmaster.” Who could blame her for being lazy?  Her husband can make those dishes disappear!
• Moment of Truth (FOX, 9pm):  Contestants answer a string of personal questions while strapped to a lie-detector.  I can’t wait until FOX orchestrates a celebrity version of this show!
• Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet III (MTV, 10pm):  As long as Beth, Coral, Robin and Katie are thrown into the mix, MTV could milk this series forever.
• Project Runway (Bravo, 10pm):  “The remaining designers must put an original spin on denim.” As long as they make skinny jeans go away, I’ll be happy.

THURSDAY (1/24)

• Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm):  Gene Simmons makes a guest appearance.  I’m guessing he won’t like what frumpy Betty Suarez will have to offer.
• Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (FOX, 8pm):.  In this special edition, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders will act as the contestants helpers.  After watching their CMT reality show, I’d be wary about seeking their advice.
• Chuck (NBC, 8 & 10pm):  Two new episodes/special night.  Chuck gets involved with Russian arms dealers and is later held responsible for an engagement ring.  It just occurred to me that I really didn’t miss the show at all.
• Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, 9pm):  “The celebrities are assigned to sell tickets to Broadway shows.” Mark my words:  Marilu Henner will exploit this opportunity and whip out a routine from Chicago.

FRIDAY (1/25)

• Gone Country (CMT, 8pm):  John Rich takes ‘established performers’ and immerses them in country music.  Participants include Bobby Brown, Dee Snider, Diana DeGarmo and Carnie Wilson.  Rednecks will now get the last laugh.
• Garth Brooks: Live in LA! (CBS, 9pm):  The CMT watchers can then soothe their ears with a country music legend.
• Friday Night Lights (NBC, 9pm):  “Smash deals with the consequences of his confrontation at the movies.” As his punishment, he is forced to watch Norbit over and over again.
• Las Vegas (NBC, 10pm):  “Sam’s deep-pocketed clients sojourn to a strip club.” I have a feeling the shallow-pocketed clients would have done the same.

SUNDAY(1/27)

• 14th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (TNT, 8pm):  Don’t depend on the Oscars; this will be the awards event of the season.  See all the dresses the writers’ strike forced into storage.
• Guinness World Records: Top 100 (NBC, 9pm):  “A countdown of the most unusual records leads up to a death-defying stunt.” Thanks to the introduction of Reality TV, these crazies don’t shock us anymore.
• The Russell Girl (CBS, 9pm):  If I said this was another Hallmark presentation, would you need to know more?