(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

MONDAY (10/12)

• Heroes (NBC, 8pm):  “Sylar tries to remember who he was in the past.” The creepy killer on a hit show?
• Gone Too Far (MTV, 10pm):  Series premiere. “This documentary series from Adam Goldstein (a.k.a. DJ AM) premieres as he travels to his hometown of Philadelphia to stage a surprise intervention with a 23-year-old heroin addict who won’t go into rehab without a fight.” Finally, something of substance from MTV.
• The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 10pm):  Season finale. “More stress comes in the form of a disenchanted Taylor, who threatens to walk away from Team Zoe for good, triggering a relapse or Rachel’s vertigo.” Employees—you put them on a reality show, and they’re still never satisfied.

TUESDAY (10/13)

• I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (Disc. Health, 9pm):  “A woman goes to the hospital after a bad fall and learns she’s pregnant and full-term.” Ironically, she never would have known had her baby not kicked her to the ground.
• 18 Kids and Counting (TLC, 9pm):  “Michelle helps Anna prepare the baby. The two visit Amy’s doctor; later, they check out a consignment shop.” Michelle’s still using her used clothing.
• Flipping Out (Bravo, 10pm):  “Charged emotions are the result when Jeff threatens to replace loyal housekeeper Zoila, who’s feeling undervalued.” If you’ve seen that awful painting of her, you’d understand why.

WEDNESDAY (10/14)

• Man v. Food (Travel, 10pm):  “Adam Richman visits Rockies Diner in Boise, Idaho, where he attempts to finish at massive sandwich that weighs more than five pounds, plus a side of chili-cheese fries and and a 16-ounce shake.” This special episode is being sponsored by Charmin.
• Nip/Tuck (FX, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Christian has news for Liz and the economic downturn has hit McNamara/Troy hard.” Anesthesiologist Teddy Rowe will now be replaced with a cheaper, darker-haired version.
• Destination Truth (Syfy, 10pm):  “Josh searches the jungles of Peru for evidence of a gremlin-like creature with the help of Ghost Hunters International investigators Robb Demarest and Dustin Pari.” The trick was hunting down the creature without exposing it to water.

THURSDAY (10/15)

• Fringe (FOX, 9pm):  “The Fringe division tries to decode dreams after going to Seattle to investigate a man’s frightening visions that caused him to attack his boss.” He wrongly believed the kitchen’s Starbucks blend would be replaced with Folgers.
• 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30pm):  Season premiere. “Liz and Pete search for new talent.” I hear Casey Wilson and Michaela Watkins are now available.
• Private Practice (ABC, 10pm):  “Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) arrives with a kidney patient, and Addison isn’t the only Oceanside doctor who’s happy to see her.” She always brings presents - and ratings - with her.

FRIDAY (10/16)

• Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm):  Season premiere. “Betty settles into her new job as an associate editor at Mode but clashes with her ex-boyfriend Matt, who’s now her boss, and tries to stay a step ahead of Marc, who feels slighted by her promotion.” But first, she must overcome the hurdle of being in a new time slot.
• Dog Whisperer (Nat. Geog., 9pm):  “A rescued Lab-mastiff mix named Cujo is aggressive like his movie namesake.” Cesar Millan could have helped the dog, had he been able to get out of the car.
• Numb3rs (CBS, 10pm):  “Don investigates a series of murders that bear an eerie similarity to scenes from a soon-to-be-released movie.” Promotions interns have been known to kill themselves for a raise.

SUNDAY (10/18)

• The Simpsons (FOX, 8pm):  “In Treehouse of Horror XX, Krusty invents a ghastly fast-food item that unleashes a plague of zombies.” This explains my early morning drives for BK French Toast Sticks and Hash Browns.
• Bridezillas (WE, 9pm):  “A spoiled bride is barred from her own shower after screaming at a doorman.” All the gifts without the lame party? Her plan worked perfectly.
• Brothers & Sisters (ABC, 10pm):  “Sarah returns from France and tries to keep Kitty s mind off her health problems with stories of her dalliance with an artist (Gilles Marini).” Gilles’ abs are known to be a pleasant distraction.