MONDAY (10/8)

• The View (ABC, syndicated):  Meredith Viera returns to her old-stomping grounds as a guest.  I’m sure she prefers it that way.
• Total Request Live (MTV, 3:30pm):  Watch the ‘official’ debut of Britney’s new video, or just watch it now.
• Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:30pm):  The reunion of Johnny Galecki and Sara Gilbert happens tonight.
• I Love New York 2 (VH1, 9pm):  Season premiere.  I’m sorry—what exactly do the winners ‘win’ on this show again?

TUESDAY (10/9)

• One Life to Live (ABC, check local listings):  Musician Timbaland sells out and makes an appearance on the soap opera.  As if he wasn’t everywhere already.
• Dancing With The Stars (ABC, 9pm):  Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana perform a duet.
• A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (MTV, 10pm):  Series premiere.  I wonder if this was what Justin Timberlake was referring to when he dared MTV to play more videos.

WEDNESDAY (10/10)

• Pageant Place (MTV, 10:30pm):  Series premiere.  Finally—we learn what happens Miss USA, Miss Universe and Miss Teen USA live together for a whole year.  I’m hoping they’ll trash Miss America behind her back.

THURSDAY (10/11)

• Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm):  Guest Freddy Rodriguez enters Betty’s world, complicating matters between her and Henry.
• 30 Rock (NBC, 8:30pm):  Jack’s archenemy (Will Arnett) returns.

FRIDAY (10/12)

• 20/20 (ABC, 8pm):  New time slot.
• Women’s Murder Club (ABC, 9pm):  Show based on the James Patterson novels makes its debut.  I’m guessing Angie Harmon will regret leaving Law and Order.
• Men in Trees (ABC, 10pm):  Season premiere.

SATURDAY (10/13)

• The Search for the Next Elvira (Fox Reality, midnight):  When NBC said they would help Trump find his next ‘apprentice’, I’m sure this is what he had in mind.

SUNDAY(10/14)

• Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E!, 10:30pm):  Paris Hilton appears in a sex tape; Kathy Hilton gets a reality show.  Kim Kardashian appears in a sex tape; her whole family gets a show.  You decipher the lesson here.