(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

MONDAY (8/31)

• Jon & Kate Plus Eight (TLC, 9pm):  “Kate and the boys experience the cowboy lifestyle during a trip to a dude ranch, while Jon and the girls have a scavenger hunt at home.” Despite hours of searching, the girls still couldn’t find Daddy’s shame.
• Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle (VH1, 9pm):  “The ladies vent their frustration in a wrestling match in which the winners receive dates with the guys.” The losers will then be asked to wrestle again...for the guys.
• Making His Band (MTV, 10pm):  “The hopefuls are caught off guard when Diddy pays them a surprise visit.” The nervous contestants weren’t sure whether to address him as Diddy, P. Diddy, Puffy or Sean.

TUESDAY (9/1)

• 10 Things I Hate About You (ABC Family, 8pm):  “When their dad goes out of town, Bianca and Kat throw a party that includes karaoke, recycling bins and designated-driver wristbands.” Personalized air sickness bags were also included as swag.
• Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9pm):  “Claudia changes a light bulb with the help of an artifact.” Those good men are hard to find.
• Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre World (Travel, 10pm):  “Andrew Zimmern travels to Cuba, where he eats a tree rat, learns about growing world-class tobacco, and takes part in a Santeria ritual involving lots of blood.” Tree rat meal followed by affordable health care? Don’t mind if I do!

WEDNESDAY (9/2)

• Lottery Changed My Life (TLC, 8pm):  “Profiling a Seattle lottery winner who kept four jobs after becoming a millionaire.” Greed is good.
• Man vs. Wild (Discovery, 9pm):  “Bear Grylls visits Western Texas, where he tests his survival skills in the Chihuahuan Desert. Included: the hosts contends with a diamondback rattlesnake.” That snake better watch out. One wrong move and Bear will piss in him.
• How’d You Get So Rich? (TV Land, 10pm):  “A competitor in the blanket-with-sleeves market.” The monk had God’s support…and financial backing.

THURSDAY (9/3)

• Bully Beatdown (MTV, 9:30pm):  “Two victims get revenge on the pretty boy who bullied them for years.” After seeing an updated Facebook photo, they realized he’d been punished enough.
• The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo, 10pm):  “Kim lays down the law to a newly arriving nanny.” If she makes her tardy for any parties, then she’s out.
• Verminators (Discovery, 10pm):  “Mike races a deadline to save a restaurant.” Unfortunately, the elusive Chuck E. Cheese could not be captured in time for the birthday party.

FRIDAY (9/4)

• Suite Life on Deck (Disney, 8:30pm):  “Cody fills in for an injured cooking teacher and soon becomes a star chef who is adored by all the girls.” He didn’t know what the bloody hell he was doing, but those f**king donkeys didn’t know any better.
• Jockeys (Animal, 10pm):  “Tensions arise between the male and female jockeys.” Both sides of the fight were equally matched in height and weight.
• Michael Loftus: You’ve Changed (Comedy, 10pm):  “Comic Michael Loftus performs. Topics include: sleeping in the nude, wedding rings and what he would do to protect his family.” Well, shielding his loved ones from his nudity would be a nice start.

SUNDAY (9/6)

• There Goes the Neighborhood (CBS, 9pm):  “Everyone is taught a unique way to clean their clothes.” The new technique called “Wash By Hand” had some scratching their heads.
• HGTV Design Star (HGTV, 10pm):  “The three remaining contestants design rooms for celebrities, including an office for Kathy Griffin, a guest room for Tiffani Thiessen and a nursery for Jason Priestley.” I believe all one of these stars might just be on the D-list.
• Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (E!, 10pm):  “Kourtney tries to forget about Scott and goes boy crazy.” The hazy details have already been documented in the baby book.