(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

Season premieres: County Jail, Lie to Me, Trauma

• Trauma (NBC, 9pm):  “A medical drama focusing on the first-responder paramedics at a San Francisco hospital and the extreme dangers they face to save lives.” It’s like a “very special episode” of ER...every…week.
• Unwrapped (FOOD, 9pm):  “The making of bacon ice cream at Delaware s Woodside Farm Creamery.” Hot bacon sundaes can be topped off with bacon bits and/or bacon grease.
• CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm):  “The lab is attacked and new CSI Jesse Cardoza is taken hostage along with four other people.” Unfortunately, the newbie wasn’t eligible for his hostage compensation benefits yet.

TUESDAY (9/29)

Season premieres: The City, The Hills, Weird, True & Freaky

• 90210 (CW, 8pm):  “Dixon and Sasha take a romantic trip to Napa, but on the way home a flat tire results in the discovery of a trunk full of porn.” The surprise stash helped with Dixon’s flat, but not the car’s.
• The Hills (MTV, 10pm):  “Kristin Cavallari joins the cast and stirs up trouble.” She is not meant to replace Spencer Pratt, whose role is to stir up s**t.
• The City (MTV, 10:30pm):  “Whitney celebrates being single and tries to focus on work.” She’ll kick off the next chapter of her life with an interview on Oprah.

Season premieres: Hank, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, King of the Crown, The Middle

• The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, 8pm):  “Christine and Richard encounter some old college friends and are shocked to see how old they look.” Had she logged into her Facebook account, she would have already known.
• I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (TLC, 8pm):  “A woman must act quickly to save her newborn after unknowingly giving birth the night before Halloween.” The unexpected weight loss put a wrinkle in her pregnant cheerleader costume.
• Hank (ABC, 8pm):  “Kelsey Grammer plays Hank Pryor, a business giant in the sports-retail arena who gets benched in a force-out, and, in the opener, takes his family back home to Virginia to try to rebuild his career and adjust to simply being a father and a husband.” He was yearning to be where everyone knew his name.

Season premieres: Private Practice

• Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9pm):  “Izzie returns to work amid fears of impending layoffs, which lead residents to jockey for positions at the hospital.” This might not be the time for Katherine Heigl to complain about 17-hour work days.
• The Office (ABC, 9pm):  “Jim pushes Dwight too far, so Dwight sets out to form office alliances.” The alliances will be defined by those wearing buffs and those not exactly buff.
• Supernatural (CW, 9pm):  “Dean awakens five years in the future in an abandoned city where he is attacked by humans infected with a demonic virus that turns humans into Zombies.” Thanks to a armed man in a cowboy hat, he was able to successfully navigate Zombieland.

Season premieres: DietTribe, Pay It Off, Stargate Universe, ‘Til Death, Wedded to Perfection

• Say Yes to the Dress (TLC, 9pm):  “Michelle Duggar from 18 Kids and Counting visits the salon with her supersized clan in search of a dress for her vow-renewal ceremony.” Eighteen kids later, Michelle needs to be reminded why she married her husband.
• Medium (CBS, 9pm):  “Daughter Ariel begins to display bizarre behavior, unnerving Allison, who theorizes that a slain revenge-seeking stripper might be possessing Ariel.” In other households, her behavior would be simply chalked up to hormones.
• Pay It Off (BET, 10pm):  “The premiere episode of this game show focusing on personal-debt dilemmas. Contestants have the chance to earn up to $25,000 to pay off debt.” This might be the closest thing some get to earning a paycheck.

Season premieres: America’s Funniest Home Videos, Dallas Divas & Daughters, The Next Iron Chef, Three Rivers

• Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9pm):  “After years of rejecting a Seinfeld reunion, Larry finally changes his mind and sets out to convince Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander and Michael Richards to get on board.” The new project is tentatively dubbed The New Adventures of Old Seinfeld.
• Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (E!, 10pm):  “Kourtney learns she is pregnant with Scott’s baby, but she isn’t sure she’s ready to be a mother.” Homemade sex tapes, rushed weddings and unexpected pregnancies are just the Kardashian thing.
• Mad Men (AMC, 10pm):  “Don decides to include Betty on a company business trip.” This must be one of those trips where “business” is actually conducted.