When I know in my heart that something is just not right, it always makes me feel better to know that I am not alone.  That is why I must thank Entertainment Weekly for finally validating what I had been feeling for weeks now - The Amazing Race: Family Edition absolutely sucks!  You must understand how painful it is for me to vocalize this because I have been a huge supporter of this show from practically day one.  This was my version of Must See TV.  Back in the show’s fledgling days, I was convinced that if I could just make one more person watch (even if they didn’t have a meter) that I could save this show from cancellation.  Now I’m simply embarrassed to admit to all those I converted that I can barely stand to watch my own show anymore. Read on for an explanation, after the jump.

Where is the show that I came to love?  Where are the cab drivers in foreign countries who don’t know understand the directions that the loud Yankees are shouting at them?  Where are the formerly engaged couples who show us why they are formerly engaged?  Where are the stupid Americans who don’t realize that they have to put diesel in their cars to make them work?  And where are the tuk-tuks??? Frankly, if I was the winner of a previous Amazing Race edition, I’d be pretty peeved that these current contestants have to go through half they work they did (with twice as much help) to win the prize money.  Until they’ve been forced to eat scary foods and beg for train money from the poor people of India, these contestants don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as those from the previous years. 

Didn’t the producers know that when you tack on the words “Family Edition” to your show, that it will automatically suck?  And this coming from a network that only airs crime dramas.  Don’t they know what their audience wants?  If we wanted touchy-feely family moments, we would flip over to TLC and watch that other family show that sucks - Trading Spaces: Family.  We want more back-stabbing and less parental nurturing!  We want teams visiting tribes in Africa, not gazebos in Charleston, South Carolina!

As for the actual contestants, why did the creators think that adding twice as many contestants would equate to twice the fun?  Before, I was able to keep every annoying character’s name straight.  Now they all just blur into one.  Those four pink ladies = one big, blonde blur.  And is it sad to admit that the only amusement I’ve gotten out of the whole show so far was when I realized that the sole African-American family on the show was named the “Black” family?  NOTE TO PRODUCERS: I want to see more catty gay couples, not cute little kids who fall into ditches.  NOTE TO ASPIRING CONTESTANTS:  If you want to take your children on a road trip across the US - do it on your own time.  Tuesdays at 9pm is my time!

I never thought I would say this - but bring me back Zach and Flo.  I would rather have ten versions of them on the same show than this crap.