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This Week on TV (11/2-11/8)

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(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (11/2)
  • Heroes (NBC, 8pm):  “Hiro has another chance to save Charlie (Glee‘s Jayma Mays) when he travels three years into the past, where he also encounters Samuel.” NBC has now resorted to reversing time to steal FOX’s thunder.
  • Accidentally on Purpose (CBS, 8:30pm):  “Billie and Zack have their first big fight after Zack, hoping to surprise Billie, installs a low-flow toilet without consulting her first.” She didn’t appreciate having to flush twice after her #2’s.
  • The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30pm):  “Sheldon tries to teach Leonard the fundamentals of football.” Despite his wealth of knowledge, Sheldon still couldn’t explain the cheese-on-heads ritual.

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This Week on TV (10/12-10/18)

Nip/Tuck

(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (10/12)
  • Heroes (NBC, 8pm):  “Sylar tries to remember who he was in the past.” The creepy killer on a hit show?
  • Gone Too Far (MTV, 10pm):  Series premiere. “This documentary series from Adam Goldstein (a.k.a. ) premieres as he travels to his hometown of Philadelphia to stage a surprise intervention with a 23-year-old heroin addict who won’t go into rehab without a fight.” Finally, something of substance from MTV.
  • The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 10pm):  Season finale. “More stress comes in the form of a disenchanted Taylor, who threatens to walk away from Team Zoe for good, triggering a relapse or Rachel’s vertigo.” Employees—you put them on a reality show, and they’re still never satisfied.

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This Week on TV (3/23-3/29)

In the Motherhood

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY (3/23)
  • The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family, 8pm):  “Amy gives birth to her son and has a difficult time adjusting to life as a mom.” Unfortunately for her, society is no longer interested in single mothers of one child.
  • Gossip Girl (CW, 8pm):  “Lily and Rufus make lists of their past lovers.” I think even Gossip Girl would qualify that as TMI.
  • Animal Cops: Phoenix (Animal, 10pm):  “A skunk gets trapped in an elevator shaft.” Well that stinks.
  • Table for 12 (TLC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Betty Hayes, mother of three sets of multiples (twins, twins, sextuplets), is sent to the spa on her birthday, while the rest of the family plans a special celebration at home.” Great. More stuff for her to clean up later.

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This Week on TV (3/2-3/8)

Breaking Bad

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY 3/2)
  • The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm):  “It’s down to Melissa and Molly as Jason bestows the final rose.” But first, two more quick trips to the hot tub.
  • Rules of Engagement (CBS, 9:30pm):  Season premiere. “Audrey learns Russell is a closet Broadway musical fan, and uses the knowledge to blackmail him for theater tickets.” Tip: Blackmail is best used when Broadway shows aren’t closing.
  • CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm):  “A murder occurs onboard a yacht belonging to high-powered attorney Derek Powell (Sean Combs).” Blood at Diddy’s “White Party”? That’s gonna stain.
  • Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 12:30am):  “Jimmy Fallon’s inaugural show features Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake.” has been working for years to get both these guys.

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This Week on TV (2/23-3/1)

The Celebrity Apprentice 2

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY 2/23)
  • Chuck (NBC, 8pm):  “Jeff and Lester pester Ellie to hire their music group - called Jeffster! - as her wedding band.” That’s one way to ensure the Macarena won’t be played.
  • Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9pm):  “Jon and Kate decide to expand their family with the addition of two puppies.” Let’s not give any ideas.
  • 24 (FOX, 9pm):  “Jack and Renee walker pursue Dubaku through the streets of Washington, D.C., with a little cyber help from Chloe.” If Bauer switched to Verizon, he could have a whole network working for him.
  • True Beauty (ABC, 10pm):  Season finale. “A winner is named after an intimate interview with editor Jess Cagle tests contestants’ inner beauty and a seminude photo shoot tests their outer beauty.” The finalists will be graded on a curve and their curves.

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This Week on TV (1/26-2/1)

The Closer

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY 1/26)
  • Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9pm):  “Jon and Kate take the kids to see their new home.” The new place comes with extra bathrooms…and a new set of parents.
  • The Closer (TNT, 9pm):  Series return. “The fate of Detective Sanchez, who was shot three times and airlifted to a hospital, is revealed.” I don’t know how Sanchez is doing, but the suspense has been killing me!
  • Bromance (MTV, 9pm):  “Brody tricks the final four into attending a fake launch party for his line of designer jeans, where he asks them to walk the red carpet in pants that are entirely too tight.” Huh. I have no idea why people think this is really a dating show.
  • Trust Me (TNT, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Eric McCormack and Tom Cavanagh star as two best friends working as creative partners at a top-ranked Chicago ad agency.” Kinda like , but without the booze and cigarettes. At least not in the office.

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This Week on TV (1/12-1/18)

Big Love

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

 

MONDAY 1/12)
  • 24 (FOX, 8pm):  “Jack is released from his Senate subcommittee hearing to help with the domestic threat and the investigation into former colleague Tony Almeida.” I can’t imagine what he would do to just to get out of jury duty.
  • Kyle XY (ABC Family, 9pm):  Season 3 premiere. “Lori, Declan, Josh and Andy deal with the choices they made at the prom.” Whatever happens at prom, stays at prom.
  • Man vs. Wild (Discovery, 10pm):  “An adventure in the jungles of Belize has the host reckoning with a 9-foot boa constrictor and a dangerous white-water river.” The longer the snake, the more skin to pee in.

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This Week on TV (12/22-12/28)

The Sound of Music

(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

MONDAY 12/22)
  • Prison Break (FOX, 9pm):  “Sara is waiting for news of Michael in a luxury hotel, and she’s not enjoying the luxury.” She becomes unreasonably paranoid anytime someone offers to turn down her bed.
  • Momma’s Boys (NBC, 9pm):  “The guys go on group dates planned by their moms and individual dates they planned.” Until the big move, NBC will just run MTV’s hand-me-downs.
  • The Hills (MTV, 10pm):  Season 4 finale. “Lauren and Heidi run into each other and are reminded of why they used to be friends.” I, quite frankly, could use a reminder as well.
  • 17 Kids & Counting (TLC, 10pm):  “The family welcomes the arrival of Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar.” Wake me up when they get to “J.Lo.”

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